A proposal to twin Itchy Ankle with Appleton Marsh

Dear Doris Brazil,

I am writing on behalf of the people of Itchy Ankle in the hope that you may be able to use your influence in Appleton Marsh: we would like to be twinned with you.

Based on your blog, the pace of life in Appleton Marsh is much the same as that enjoyed in Itchy Ankle. Together the two towns could celebrate almost nothing happening. While Itchy Ankle does not boast its own women’s outfitters, or even its own charity shop, we do have a store or two selling blood worms, a full service garage and a party store with cut-price balloons. In other words, lots of opportunities to make your own fun.

I realize that you may find it necessary to know more about our humble hamlet before you could commit Appleton Marsh to a long term cross-Atlantic partnership. You and Flo would be very welcome to visit. I don’t have my own Parker Knoll but the Blarney abode offers a great deal of wing-chaired comfort. As my sister, the Cackler, has pointed out, with just a whiff or urine it could pass for an old-peoples’ home.

My pouffe, of course, is also at your disposal. You’d be wise to bring your own Toffifees but our local coffee shop  does sell excellent peanut brittle, and Peggoty always has a wine box on the go.

Thank you for considering this request. Here’s to a long and enduring partnership between Itchy Ankle and Appleton Marsh.

The Blarney Crone

About Liz Barron

US Peace Corps Volunteer in Armenia. Permanent address in Washington DC. Deep roots in Northern Ireland and persistent Belfast accent. Blogger,cook, mother, grandma, Scrabble-player and enthusiastic world traveler.
This entry was posted in Crone as Pen Pal, Culture with the Crone, itchy ankle and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to A proposal to twin Itchy Ankle with Appleton Marsh

  1. Doris says:

    Dear Blarney Crone,

    I’m not sure if you realised it but Appleton Marsh is already twinned with the Palestinian Authority of Gaza. On reflection, this cooperative arrangement has not brought about the cultural and commercial benefits our town’s elders had hoped for. Recently we had the devil’s own job persuading our own Appleton Marsh Choral Society to perform out in Gaza.

    Although we didn’t know it at the time, Gaza, it turns out, is quite a troubled place; a hotspot of unrest not unlike Torquay. We failed to do our research and, on reflection, Gaza was not perhaps the most suitable choice of twin town.

    Until now the town council has been very mindful of the impact on Gaza (and let’s not fool ourselves, the stability of the region) that canceling its twinning arrangement with Appleton Marsh would have. But, as a leading business woman in this town, I would be the first to argue that we must put our own commercial interests first. I feel it is time to move on.

    Now, about Itchy Ankle. Firstly, let me express my gratitude for your approach and for offering to roll out the red carpet for myself and Flo. I hesitate to call Itchy Ankle a backwater because it obviously has its attractions, but I always like to play with a straight bat and I feel I should make you aware that Appleton Marsh town council’s has high hopes for its next twinning arrangement. At the moment our lofty ambitions are to bag a major European capital. And you won’t be surprised to learn, with Doris Brazil Ladies Wear in mind, that I shall be lobbying for Paris or Milan.

    Please don’t think I am dismissing outright the prospect of Itchy Ankle and Appleton Marsh pairing up at some point in the future. Every relationship has to start somewhere even if it is difficult to imagine sustaining a courtship based upon blood-worms and balloons. I am certainly very fond of peanut brittle, although I find it considerably less brittle than my own teeth.

    Leave it with me. I shall raise it in AOB at the next town council meeting (March) and report back to you and the residents of Itchy Ankle.

    With kindest regards,

    Doris Brazil

  2. merewoman says:

    Oh yes! So glad to see that you have made contact with my dear friend Doris, a lady of advanced years but progressive ideas and lots of spunk.The twinning will give her an unnecessary excuse to indulge in the Harvey’s Bristol Cream (I believe that she may have a tendency in that direction, but please don’t tell her I said so.)

  3. Pingback: Blarneycrone’s Weblog

  4. Pingback: If it’s underwear, it must be Itchy | The Blarney Crone

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