Non-stop to Itchy Ankle? Sorry, not available

The correspondence grows between the Crone and her new penpal in Appleton Marsh. The latest from Doris Brazil is reproduced in full below. It’s like Dear Daddy Long Legs meets 84 Charing Cross Road and the Crone can only hope that someone invests in the film rights forthwith. It’s a shame that Co-Operative Travel couldn’t rise to the challenge of non-stop to Itchy Ankle but the Crone will continue to save airmiles and put pennies in a jar so she can one day visit Doris and buy one of everything in her size at the ladies outfitters.

The Crone will acknowledge that the ardent tone of the note below slightly took her by surprise. Doris, perhaps, didn’t get everything she needed from the late Mr Brazil? Or it could be that she simply likes the look of the Crone’s soft furnishings and got carried away at her keyboard? Perhaps the Crone will leave it for a day or two before writing back–it’s just not fair to lead anyone on.


My dear Blarneycrone,

Such kind words from afar. Let me assure you, the admiration is entirely mutual.

As I type my heart is all of a flutter. Surely this is how it must feel for those desperately lonely women who correspond with murderers on death row. You and I have made a connection and if it wasn’t for our age difference, which is substantive, then a civil ceremony might be on the cards.

Just imagine the resources such a union would have thrown together… my Bissell and hostess trolley, your darling kitchen chairs and butter dish, my Goblin teasmade and your plump cushions. I could have opened a branch of Doris Brazil Ladies Wear in Itchy Ankle while Flo took care of the European Division. We might have based ourselves in Itchy Ankle and taken our holidays in Appleton Marsh.

Alas, back to reality. I did go into Co-Operative Travel to enquire about flights to Itchy Ankle. The travel agent suggested I fly to Washington but then the sterling-dollar exchange rate makes this option prohibitively expensive. We did look at budget airlines and we established I could have flown one-way with Air Serbia for just £149; but this was to Veracruz and it seemed a long way to ask you to come and pick me up.

Rest assured Blarneystone, I shall keep looking for an affordable fare and in the meantime I remain a devotee of your wistful musings.

Health and happiness to my soulmate and intimate inmate.


Doris Brazil


Catch up with the full Doris story here

About Liz Barron

US Peace Corps Volunteer in Armenia. Permanent address in Washington DC. Deep roots in Northern Ireland and persistent Belfast accent. Blogger,cook, mother, grandma, Scrabble-player and enthusiastic world traveler.
This entry was posted in Crone as Pen Pal, itchy ankle and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Non-stop to Itchy Ankle? Sorry, not available

  1. Peggy O'Rock says:

    Fare warning when one enter’s the Side of the Shade….”No Outlet”.
    Always assumed a one way ticket to S.S. was understood?

  2. Pingback: Bright ideas for Doris Brazil « Blarneycrone’s Weblog

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