So the Crone arrived back in Itchy Ankle expecting seven kinds of sympathy for her bedroom incident involving men in uniforms and heavy weaponry. No such luck. Instead she was met with a barrage of abuse for daring to suggest that nothing ever happens in Itchy Ankle.
Indeed, her outraged neighbors had put together a list of all the exciting things that happened while she was out of town
In the interests of fair and complete reporting, these are listed here:
Kevin ” The Bass” Hall was nominated for a Pulitzer prize for reporting that has since sparked worldwide headlines.
Barkis had reason to be grateful to his favorite nurse even though, with luck, he will never have occasion to visit her again.
Peggoty is off to visit her daughter in Kansas in a couple of weeks–the first time she’s seen her since the day she was born.
Princess Di invested in a keyboard–the first time this once-concert-standard pianist has felt like playing in years.
Jeffrey’s mom and dad made beautiful music in their bedroom. To be clear, no-one in Itchy Ankle anticipates a brother or sister for Jeffrey–their master suite is devoted to mixing and remastering.
Baby Janie’s been back in town and Henry Ford has (another) new job.
Gorgeous George has been camel-jumping in Dubai
Captain Kirk made new cushions for the outdoor furniture and did his own piping.
Marilyn Monroe has a new industrial-scale herb box and has the Boston Whaler back in the water.
Hansel did a full day’s work on Tuesday.
Pirate Mike is home from his adventure on the high seas
Deale Road is getting a new sewer extension