A let down for Appleton Marsh

Pass the Triscuits

Dear Doris,

I am so embarrassed. I arrived back in Itchy Ankle this evening to find Mayor Pepe’s invitation to help him turn on the Appleton Marsh Christmas lights. I realize the town has been ablaze with neon poinsettias, crackers and reindeer for more than a week now, and I am only sorry that I wasn’t able to make it–or to let him know in time.

Next time you drop by the town hall, pleased mention to MOTCOP (Mayoral outreach team: Christmas Outdoor Planning)  that a 36p stamp just doesn’t cut it for a Maryland address. The letter obviously traveled steerage and much of Mayor Pepe’s personal seal had lost its gilt by the time the envelope finally reached these shores.

I know the Mayor will have been very disappointed and, in truth, I am sorry to have missed the opportunity to get all dressed up. It’s not everywhere you can wear a glittery cardie and outings for my tinsel tiara are few and far between. I am sure the canny Cuban had a stand in ( Dannii Minogue? Amanda Holden? Or perhaps Sarah Kennedy who I understand now has her evenings free??) but nontheless I regret that the 2011 Appleton Marsh Civic Calendar won’t feature us on the town hall steps, surrounded by the Cheriton Marsh Remedial singers and the Nativity Players on evening release from the Detention center. I hadn’t realised Kirsty played the electric organ. Amazing she can read music with that squint.

I’ll write to Pepe of course (still no sign of email in the municipal offices? How difficult can it be?) but I wanted to get the news to you post haste, in case anyone imagined a slight. Can’t say I’m sorry I missed the festive finger buffet. Audrey’s a dear but she really doesn’t have a light hand with pastry, and canned pineapple, Philly and Ryvita do not a party make.

Which reminds me, per Flo’s request I have a package of beef jerky, grits, hominy, Hershey bars and marshmallow fluff all  ready to send. She’ll be disappointed. There’s a very good reason why Sir Walter Raleigh didn’t lug these things back with him across the Atlantic all those years ago. I’ve also sent some Triscuits and jalapeno jelly which, paired with the leftover Philly, should pep up your party platters no end.

In Itchy Ankle, we are all getting in the holiday spirit. Captain Kirk already has his lights  on the roof–we think he used a spirit level and a T square to get them just so. If Santa needs a landing strip for the sleigh, we’re all set. Marilyn has stockings for all  the dogs and cats and Hansel will tackle our Christmas tree this weekend. Peggoty and Barkis are expecting a first grandchild so I am afraid the little baby Jesus is in the ha’penny place this year but I have no doubt there will be the usual feasting and roistering at the Snug Harbor Inn, either in celebration of the Virgin birth or one of a more ordinary kind.

I hope you and Flo are coping with the Christmas rush and that your 70 deniers are flying out the door in this cold snap. Stay warm and take it easy on the ice.

With love from, Blabs

About Liz Barron

US Peace Corps Volunteer in Armenia. Permanent address in Washington DC. Deep roots in Northern Ireland and persistent Belfast accent. Blogger,cook, mother, grandma, Scrabble-player and enthusiastic world traveler.
This entry was posted in Christmas with the Crone, Crone as Pen Pal, Culture with the Crone, friendship, itchy ankle and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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