The Blarney Blog has fallen into disrepute. Children have been forbidden to quote from it in school assignments. Prosecutors pooh pooh it when it is cited in expert testimony. Newspaper ombudsmen have to apologize to their readers when they have treated something they found here as good enough to print.
Readers, the Blarney Crone is thinking of taking on a fact-checker. Perhaps the unlucky (or are they the lucky?) 73,999 people who applied to intern with Charlie Sheen will turn their attentions my way when they receive their letters of rejection from the sitcom star? My blood is more turnip than tiger and DC is no Malibu, but combing through and correcting Blarney blog posts could be nice steady work for somebody…
So where did it all go wrong? Well, the first mistake concerned baked goods. The Speranza wrote from London to complain that I had mixed up my breakfast breads by claiming that the American English Muffin is what the English call a crumpet.
” We English do NOT call muffins crumpets” she wrote in indignation ” We call muffins ‘muffins’ and crumpets ‘crumpets’. The two are different – muffins are quite dense breads which are cut in half and toasted; crumpets have a cratered surface and are toasted and served whole.”
She is quite right of course. I have been too far away from a full English breakfast for too long. I am like Alistair Cooke in his latter years. My memories of life on the other side of the Atlantic are dim, archaic and unreliable.
At dinner the other night, Tom took issue with my account of life in Deer Valley, specifically my claim that the Montage was at an altitude of 19,000 feet. “That’s the height of Mt McKinley in Alaska” he said “there is nowhere in the 48 contiguous that is that high up” He’s right. There’s a mountain or two in California and Colorado that is about 14,000 feet above sea level, but it turns out that the peaks in Deer Valley are about 9500 feet and Salt Lake City is 4320 feet about sea level. Two things surprise me about this.
1: where did I get 19k and 14k from in the first place ?
2: how did I almost get the drop right but have the overall numbers so very wrong ?
My only excuse is that perhaps too little oxygen got to my brain.
Anyhow, I apologize. I was wr…wrr…wrrr. No, I’m sorry I can’t say it. I hope you’ll continue to read, but take everything you read here with a pinch of Salt Lake salt (27% per cent salinity you know, almost as much as the Dead Sea–but you didn’t hear it from me…)