The Mystery of the Swimsuit Slasher

Huge drama tonight at the Duke Diet and Fitness Center—we do everything big here. I left the pool at 3pm and noticed that lots of swimsuits seemed to have fallen off their hooks in the ladies locker room. Odd.

Two sisters left the pool minutes after me. One of them picked up her spare cossie from the tiled floor to discover it had been cut across the crotch. Closer examination of around 20 suits revealed that they too had had their straps or gussets slashed.

A young policewoman came and took photos and made notes, but she didn’t appear to think that 20 ruined swimsuits was a serious crime. We think otherwise, for a plus size bathing suit that you would want to be seen in costs around $100. They are hard to find and of course my fellow fatties plan to spend a lot of time in the pool in the next few weeks, so every swimsuit counts.

Worse than the lost swimwear though is thinking about who dunnit. Who would be angry enough to take what looked like a pair of craft scissors to the bathing suits of middle aged women trying to lose weight?

It seems hard to believe it could have been a man–surely there are security systems to stop that kind of thing? But if it was a woman, was it one of the clinic clients? Someone leaving today? Someone still in our midst?  A deranged member of staff?

The sisters and I, being the ones who reported the crime, are determined to solve it. We’ll be undercover in cover-ups.

About Liz Barron

US Peace Corps Volunteer in Armenia. Permanent address in Washington DC. Deep roots in Northern Ireland and persistent Belfast accent. Blogger,cook, mother, grandma, Scrabble-player and enthusiastic world traveler.
This entry was posted in anger, Crone in America, Fat Camp and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

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