My levels of self-loathing are at a new high and this is a hard post to write. I have put on most of the weight I lost last year and, as the anniversary of my respite at the (yes, madly expensive) Duke Diet and Fitness Center approaches, I am very nearly back to where I started. This is a particularly bitter blow as, in a couple of weeks time, I will be back in Ireland. The island threatens to sink under the weight of sausages, soda farls, and meals served with at least three kinds of potatoes (this can even include choices alleged to be salad). I will be staying with Spud Hughes who lives just wobbling distance from a great curry house and several hostelries. As mentioned before, he is a man who both likes his tuck and is a great enabler. People do not slim down in his presence. Spud is not a blood relative, but I will be seeing plenty of those when I am in Belfast. They will all have pursed lips and wear disappointed expressions and it is easy to understand why.
I have done a Kirstie Alley, larding on the pounds one forbidden mouthful at a time. It starts with wine and many varieties of whine: ” I lost my dad”, “I had a bad week at work”, “My son would drive anyone to drink”. And then there are the causes for celebration: “It’s Thanksgiving”, “It’s Christmas”, “It’s Easter and I have family in town”. If you play it right you can find a reason most days and of course, when you have a glass of wine in one hand, it is very easy to have a large sandwich or a dozen pistachios in the other. Guests provide another excuse. I picked up a snack packet by the cash register in Gretel’s grocery the other day, because I had a work colleague coming over for drinks (what else?) on my new deck. My choice turned out to be peanuts coated in chips, covered in wasabi. Check them out here. Yes, peanuts coated in smashed up chips. Both peanuts and chips. This was the first but not the last bag of these I bought….
Of course, the problem is not limited to the cocktail hour. The mild slippery slope quickly becomes a sharp decline. Before you know where you are, you are ordering dessert at dinner, ignoring the lunch you packed in favor of an egg salad sandwich AND six Unagi rolls, and eating up the remains of the kids’ bacon and home fries at breakfast.
This behavior is akin to the small child who plays hide and seek by putting his head behind a tree. He thinks if he can’t see you, you can’t see him. I am the same. I think if you can’t see me eating, you won’t know I have. I forget that the chins expose the cheating. There is a reason why this post is not illustrated.
This morning is off to a good start. I have had natural yogurt, blueberries, blackberries and raspberries for breakfast. (Yesterday I had organic figs–oh and half a packet of peanuts coated with wasabi flavored chips. I had the rest of the packet as an afternoon snack). Gretel and I are going for a swim later. Perhaps all is not yet lost?