I have turned into a comic composite of a seaside landlady, a pantomime dame and Hyacinth Bucket (pronounced Boo-Kay).
In all the other photos taken at Tom and Mike’s wedding (photos of the grooms to follow–I promise), people look like their best selves: smiling, soignee and sophisticated. Look at the women who surround me in the shot below, taken during the ceremony. They are looking at the happy pair, and have serene smiles on their perfectly composed features. Not me. What was I doing? Of course, I have no idea, which would seem to indicate nothing out of the ordinary had sparked this look— a cross between a horse approaching a particularly terrifying jump at the Grand National and Sister Wendy admiring Pre-Raphaelite cherubs.
I fear I must conclude that, like Sarah Ferguson, the former Duchess of York, I am prone to the kind of excessive self-expression that does not photograph well. With looks like these, I could play the red queen in Alice In Wonderland, but I fear the glamorous Hollywood roles will not come my way.