The late Sir David Frost chaired a television panel game called “Through the Keyhole”. The format still airs on TV in the UK. The show involved cameras cruising a celeb’s house, much as on MTV’s Cribs, and other celebs then had to guess whose house was featured. (In both the case of the homeowner and the panel, I am using the term celeb very loosely.)
I mention Through the Keyhole because this week,I, like many of the homeowners who took part in that show, found a home overhaul imperative in advance of stranger scrutiny.
I accepted a booking to host an overnight party through AirBnB. I have booked accommodations before through this site, but have never rented out my own house. Eight people, four couples, wanted the house for one night. I warned them about the one bathroom, the dodgy extractor fan, and the lack of bedroom doors in my open plan abode, but still they persisted. I began to look at my house through the eyes of a paying guest, and found it wanting: scuffed paint and a awful lot of terrible old tat. I had a yard sale, employed the Hottie to clear out some drawers, persuaded Captain Kirk to do a double cleaning shift, and commissioned the Chesapeake Boys to repaint the kitchen. Really, it was no trouble at at all…
The group of young professionals stayed here on Thursday night. I had left a key for them, and so there was no need to be around for their check-in. I arrived home on Friday night to a sparkling clean house and a lovely note from my guests who assured me that a good time had been had by all. I know this to be true because in my bedroom, I found the only evidence of their stay: a spray bottle of what looks like hummingbird feed marked Lick Me All Over. The bottle is not full. The house, broken in by my own kids during their teenage years, is saying nothing, but I fancy that my bed looks pathetically glad to have finally seen some action.
Should you want to stay in the Blarney Abode, you can make your reservation here. Bring your own unguents.
If you prefer a nice panel game to fooling about with lickables, then plan to be part of The Perfect Liar’s Club which takes place in Washington DC on the first Monday evening of most months. Alternatively, stay home and out of trouble by catching up with old episodes of What’s My Line? on You Tube. The excerpt below features Salvador Dali. Now that’s what I call a celeb.
You can see pictures of my home improvements here.